Were you out on a mission?
We say "op," covert operation. And this one, well, got a little rough.
- Worse than Cairo? - Cairo.
Cairo was a day at the beach next to this.
- The guy's a spook. - But for whom?
He could be working her to get to you.
- Did you read the papers yesterday? - Yes.
Sometimes a story is a mask for a covert operation.
You see two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men...
in a running shootout, ending at the Marriott?
That was you?
- Me. - You're very good.
You recognized my style.
You're a natural at this.
The guy's a fake. He's taking credit for our moves.
- What happened? - Hardly worth talking about.
Two of them won't bother me again.
- Unbelievable. - You chased one?
Something came over me. I had to nail this guy no matter what the risk.
Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times, but I...
- I really can't take credit. - Why not?
It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument.
You react in a microsecond without thinking.
I'm starting to like this guy.
We still gotta kill him. That's a given, you know.
The guy is a goddamned used car salesman.
This keeps getting better and better!
I'm sorry. I know this has gotta be painful.
But you gotta admit it's funny. If it was just some idiot, not you...
you'd be laughing your ass off.
One born every minute.
It wants you too. Feel it vibrate?
- Say, how about a little spin? - Sure.
See, it's not just a car. It's a total image. An identity.
You have to go for it. This isn't some high-tech sports car.
To tell you the truth, it doesn't even handle that great.
But that's not the idea, is it?
What are we talking about here? Pussy, right?
Absolutely.
Let's face it. The 'Vette gets 'em wet.
But it's not enough.
If you really want to close escrow, you gotta have an angle.
I suppose you have an angle.
It's killer.
I mean, look at me. I'm not that much to look at.
No, no, no. I can be honest.
But I got 'em lining up, and not just the skanks either.
- Well, some are. - What's your angle?
No, sorry. Trade secret.
Okay, just ask yourself:
What do women really want?
You take these bored housewives married to the same guy for years.
They're stuck in a rut. They need some release.
The promise of adventure, a hint of danger.
I create that for them.
So basically you're lying your ass off the whole time.
- I couldn't do that. - What are you, a Boy Scout?
Think of it as playing a role. It's fantasy.
You gotta work on their dreams...
get them out of their daily suburban grind for a few hours.
- What about their husbands? - Dickless!
I mean, let's face it. If they took care of business...
I'd be out of business, you know what I mean?
Those idiots.
You mind keeping it under 90?
I'm still trying to pay for this dental work.
So, who are you working on right now?
I always got a couple on the hook.
There's this one right now, I got her panting like a dog.
- It's great. - What does she do?
Some sort of legal secretary or something.
You know, uptight and conservative.
But she could be so hot if she wanted to be.
And with you, she gets to be real hot.
Red hot! Her thighs steam.
It's like a dying plant. Just needs a little water.
- Married to some boring jerk. - Some boring jerk?
He doesn't appreciate her. She's like all these babes.
You get their pilot lit, they can suck-start a leaf blower.
She's got the most incredible body, and a pair of titties...
make you want to stand up and beg for buttermilk.
Ass like a ten-year-old boy.
So, then she must be really good in bed then, huh?
Slow down. You'll miss the turn.
See?
You and this car were made for each other. Why fight it?
Sure, I got a couple other buyers on the line, but I like your style.
So, what do you say?
Should we start up the paperwork?
Let me think about it.
Hold it for me for a day, okay?
Hey, because it's you.
I got today's transcripts.
Not much going on.
- Nothing from Simon? - No.
- My turn to drive? - Give me the page.
- What? - This jumped from page 9 to 11.
- Where's page 10? - It's gotta be a typo.
Give me the goddamn page!
- Seek help, Harry. - Hello?
Helen, I need your help. Can you meet me tonight?
- What's happened? - It's serious.
Meet me on K Street...
under the Key Bridge, 8:00 sharp.
Gotcha.
Shit. It's almost 8:00.
She's still at the house.
The purse is still at the house.
Shit.
Unit Two, Unit Seven, immediate roll.
Acquire subject at K Street and Key Bridge.
Vehicle is red-and-white convertible. You got exactly six minutes.
Wait a minute. Are you out of your mind?
You can't pull agents off a priority surveillance to follow your wife.
That's a misappropriation of resources and a breach of national security.
You copy? You're losing it big-time, man.
- I have to stop you. - What are you gonna do, tell?
Look, goddamn it. Both of our butts are on the line.
So your life's in the crapper. Your wife's banging a used car salesman.
It's humiliating, I know, but take it like a man!
- You tell on me, I tell on you. - What are you talking about?
I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...
What about when you blew a six-week operation...
because you were busy getting a blow job?
You knew about that?
Let's take Franklin. It's quicker.
Quick, get in. Hurry up. Let's go.
Two here. Suspect vehicle in sight.
One male, one female.
Now, don't be alarmed.
If I'm spotted, it'd be best if they didn't see you.
You should keep your head down till we're out of the city.
Here, let me help you.
That's better.
Now the woman has her head in the guy's lap.
Southbound on the Key Bridge. Two in pursuit.
Roger, Two. One to Condor, you got a visual?
Roger, One. This is Condor. Subject is in sight.
Repeat: We have the ball.
We got a pretty good lockup on infrared.
She's got her head in the guy's lap, all right.
Maybe she's sleepy.
This is a safe house.
My place in the city is a little too hot right now.
So is the penthouse in New York.
What is it exactly you need me to do?
I want you to be my wife.
But I'm married!
It's just for the operation in Paris. I need to be married.
They'll be looking for a man traveling alone.
You want me to go to Paris?
Paris, with a quick stopover in London.
There's a double agent in my outfit. I don't know who.
There's no one I can trust, except you.
Can you get away, just for a couple of days?
I just don't know.
Of course. I'm rushing you. Forgive me.
Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.
Let me pour you some more wine.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
You just saved my life.
You are incredibly brave.
I have to remind myself of the fear you must be feeling.
You see, for me fear is not an option.
Now, in order to pull this cover story off...
we have to look like two people who are completely intimate with each other.
The enemy can spot a fake easily.
- You see what I mean? - Sorry.
That reaction could get us both killed.
- I'm sorry. - We can't afford that.
Try to relax.
It's just been a long time...
since anybody but Harry's touched me like that.
- It's a little difficult. - I know.
- It's awkward for me too. - I'm sorry.
- That's all right. Just sit back. - I'm okay.
There. That's better.
Just let yourself slip into the role.
That's it.
There you go.
Just let yourself go.
That's good.
That's great.
That's it.
No, I can't do this. I can't do this.
- What's wrong? It's okay. - I cannot do this.
I cannot do this!
If not for me...
do it for your country?
Oh, God! Don't hurt me!
I'll do whatever you want!
Please! I didn't do anything!
Damn it!
Take her! Take her! Oh, God, don't hurt me!
Son of a bitch!
Sit down.
I said sit down.
Who do you work for?
Stern, Kessler, Goldstein & Krumpnick.
- I'm just a legal secretary. - Sure, Mrs. Tasker.
What were you doing with the international terrorist...
Carlos the Jackal, taking dictation?
How long have you been a member of his faction?
I don't know anything about a faction.
I just met Simon...
or whoever you say he is...
just a couple weeks ago.
I barely know him.
That's not what it looked like when we found you.
How did you meet him?
Well...
Keep this for me. I can't afford to be taken with it.
- What? - It's a matter of national security.
Please, it's important. I'll contact you.
Oh, shit.
Why did you continue to see him?
He said he needed my help.
Not because you were attracted to him?
You were not attracted to him at all?
Well, maybe just a little.
- So, is cheating a common thing for you? - Never.
So you're telling me this was your first time?
I wasn't cheating!
Tell me about your husband, Mrs. Tasker.
What can I say about Harry?
He's a sales rep for a computer company.
So sex with him isn't exactly waving your flag anymore?
That is none of your goddamn business! What kind of questions are these?
You're in a lot of trouble, so I suggest you cooperate.
If we want to know the most intimate details about your life...
you'd better tell us.
My husband is a good man.
But he's not exactly ringing your bell these days, is he?
Let me handle this part. Do you mind?
Why did you go to Carlos' hideout?
He wanted me to go to Paris with him on a mission...
to pose as his wife.
And you agreed?
Why?
I don't know.
I guess I needed something.
What did you need?
I needed to feel alive.
I just wanted to do something outrageous.
And it felt really good...
to be needed.
And to be trusted.
And to be special.
It's just that there's...
so much I wanted to do with this life...
and it's like I haven't done any of it.
And the sand's running out of the hourglass...
and I wanted to be able to look back and say...
"See? I did that!
I was reckless and I was wild and I fucking did it!"
Quite frankly, I don't give a shit...
whether you understand that or not.
This Simon...
did you sleep with him?
- No. - She's lying.
You did not have sexual relations with him?
Listen, if you're gonna ask me every question twice...
this is gonna take a really long time, and I have to get back to my family.
You're not going anywhere, lady.
Just let me out of here!
Answer the question.
- Answer the question! - No!
I did not...
sleep with him!
Calm down, please.
You hear me, you chickenshit bastard?
- Calm down. - She could be telling the truth.
Calm down, Mrs. Tasker.
Calm down, please.
I've only one more question, Mrs. Tasker.
What?
Do you still love your husband?
Yes, I love him.
I've always loved him...
and I will always love him.
She loves you. Now what?
There's only one solution to your problem, Mrs. Tasker.
You must work for us.
What are you doing?
- Just giving her a little assignment. - You gotta be shitting me!
She wants a little adventure, so I'm gonna give her one.
I'm offering you a choice.
If you work for us, we will drop the charges...
and you can go back to your normal life.
If not, you will go to a federal prison...
and your husband and daughter will be left humiliated and alone.
Your life will be destroyed.
Gee. Let me think.
Yes or no?
Of course yes.
What's involved?
You will be contacted with the assignment.
The code name of your contact will be Boris.
Your code name will be...
- Natasha? - No.
Doris.
Pricks!
You son of a bitch. Did you think you could elude us forever, Carlos?
Wait! You got the wrong guy. My name's Simon.
Just let me go. There's no need to kill me.
I haven't seen your face...
Don't! I didn't see it! I didn't see it!
It's you!
Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?
Hey, Carlos. The game's over.
Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.
- No! - Oh, yeah!
I sell cars. That's all!
Come on. I'm not a terrorist.
I'm actually a complete coward. If I ever saw a gun, I'd... Oh, God!
Oh, please, don't! Don't kill me!
I'm not a spy.
I'm nothing! I'm navel lint!
I have to lie to women to get laid. And I don't score much.
I got a little dick. It's pathetic.
Oh, God.
Would a spy pee himself? Huh?
Please, I'm not worth a bullet.
- Have mercy, sir. - Get the fuck out of here.
Just beat it. Go on.
As soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me!
You're gonna shoot me!
Please! You can have the car for free.
What do you say, huh?
Get lost, dipshit.
So last night must've been pretty exciting for you.
My flat tire?
Actually, it was a little scary...
because the tow truck driver took such a long time.
I'll get it.
Hello?
Doris?
Yes?
Listen carefully.
In exactly one hour, go to the Hotel Marquis.
Pick up an envelope marked "Doris" at the front desk...
- and dress sexy. - What?
No, no. Turn around.
Do it doucement.
Do it very slowly.
You've reached a new all-time low.
I can't believe you're crazy enough to use the suite at the Marquis.
Do you think I can afford a suite like this on my salary?
- Is Jean-Claude done yet? - Hang on.
Who wrote this shit? Harry?
It's going great.
Do you have an envelope for Doris?
This is Doris.
Listen, you are a prostitute named Michelle.
Go to the room. There will be a man there.
He is a suspected arms dealer.
Now, wait a minute.
You don't expect me to, uh, you know.
No. He has particular tastes.
He likes to watch.
Tell him that his regular girl, Carla, is sick.
If he likes you, he will tell you what to do.
You must plant the bug...
near the telephone by the bed before you leave.
If you do not complete your mission...
the deal is off.
I'm gonna go to hell.
Have some champagne.
Come in here.
My name is Michelle.
Carla thought you'd like me.
Let me do the talking.
You may start by unzipping your dress.
No, no. Turn around.
Do it doucement. Do it very slowly.
Good.
Now slip the dress down slowly.
Good.
Now slide your nylons off one by one.
I'm not wearing any.
That's good.
Now, dance for me.
Dance sexy.
Let your hands be your lover's hands on your own skin as you move.
Now lie on the bed and close your eyes.
I thought you only liked to watch.
Now lie on the bed and close your eyes.
You pig!
Bastard!
Wait, wait, wait.
Yes, it's Harry. I know it looks bad, but I can explain.
Nobody move!
Don't move!
Helen, just don't do anything.
No, he has nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want!
Shut up!
Quiet, Helen. Do what they say.
Cone on, guys. Let the hooker go. She's not important.
You don't need her.
Harry, please, just let me handle this.
Shut up!
What were you doing there?
- You wouldn't believe me if I told you. - Talk again and I'll kill you!
I wish I could say it's nice to see you again.
You know her?
You know, this shade's totally wrong for you.
So who's your little friend?
I'm Helen Tasker. Harry is my husband. And you are?
So now it's Tasker, not Renquist.
She's just some wacko hooker I met down at the bar.
What is the matter with you? Just tell her the truth!
We are married, and we have a daughter.
I don't know what the crazy bitch is on.
You should cut her loose so we can get down to business.
Where did I get this then, huh?
Where did I get this?
Something before takeoff?
That hurt, you b...
She was telling the truth, wasn't she?
She really doesn't know.
How interesting.
Bring them.
Incredible, aren't they?
I call them the Four Horsemen.
They're warrior figures...
from the Persian Empire of Darius I...
around 500 BC.
They're absolutely priceless.
Pity.
Wait, wait!
Open it.
Do you know what this is?
I know what this is.
This is an espresso machine.
It's a snow cone maker. That's what it is.
Is it a water heater?
Do you know why you've been brought here?
So that this man can verify to the world...
the Crimson Jihad is now a nuclear power.
How can he do that? He's just a salesman, for Christ's sake.
If I'm wrong about him, the last thing you'll see...
will be your blood spraying across his face.
It's a Soviet MI RV-6 from an SS-22 air launch vehicle.
The warhead contains 14.5 kilograms of enriched uranium...
and a plutonium trigger.
The nominal yield is 30 kilotons.
What can I say? I'm a spy.
You bastard! You lying son of a bitch!
- Sorry, honey. - Don't you call me honey!
You don't ever get to call me honey again!
You understand me, you pig?
And I can verify that they have the arming box...
and all the equipment necessary...
to detonate all four warheads.
You have killed our women and our children...
bombed our cities from afar like cowards...
and you dare to call us terrorists?
Now the oppressed have been given a mighty sword...
with which to strike back at their enemies.
Unless you, America...
pulls all military forces out of the Persian Gulf area...
immediately and forever...
the Crimson Jihad will rain fire...
on one major U.S. city each week...
until our demands are met.
First, we will detonate one weapon on this uninhabited island...
as a demonstration of our power...
and Crimson Jihad's willingness to be humanitarian.
However, if these demands are not met...
Crimson Jihad will rain fire...
on one major American city each week...
Battery.
Get another one, you moron.
I think I have one in the truck.
- What? - Look at this.
- That's not mine. - Nice transmitter.
Miami Tower, Jet Star 6479 Delta on final.
- We'll be on the ground in 12 minutes. - All right.
Tell those DEA boys to have the helos...
hot and ready to fly in 12 minutes.
Signal's definitely stopped moving. It's an island in the Keys.
- We lost the signal. - Shit!
All right, everyone. This is Samir.
For 50 points, see if you can guess his specialty.
Oral hygiene?
- Not exactly. - What's going on?
Samir's just gonna ask Harry a few questions.
We're not even sure which agency Harry works for.
Now, Samir's absolutely first-class.
On the other hand we have Harry, who's managed to lie convincingly...
to the woman he loves for 15 years.
So it'll be interesting to see how long he can resist.
This will help.
You know, you should swab that with alcohol.
I might get an infection.
I'll return when this has taken effect.
Then we'll talk.
I'm looking forward to it.
Now, why are you helping these raving psychotics?
Because they're very well-funded raving psychotics...
and I'm getting a lot of money.
What, you think I care about their cause?
Or yours? Not at all.
You're damaged goods, lady.
Did you tell her about us?
There is no "us," you psychopathic bitch.
Oh, sure.
You say that now.
Thanks for everything. It wasn't bad while it lasted.
Let's go.
You two stay here.
There was nothing.
I swear.
What did they give you?
Sodium Amytal, or some other truth agent.
It makes you tell the truth?
Is it working?
Ask me a question that I normally would lie to.
- Are we gonna die? - Yep.
I'd say it's working.
They're gonna shoot us in the head, or they're gonna torture us to death...
or they're gonna leave us here and let the bomb...
How long have you been a spy?
Seventeen years.
Have you ever killed anyone?
Yeah, but they were all bad.
Is there anything you want to tell me before we start?
Yeah.
I'm going to kill you pretty soon.
I see.
How, exactly?
First, I'm going to use you as a human shield.
Then I'm going to kill this guard over there...
with the Patterson trocar on the table.
And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.
And what makes you think you can do all that?
You know my handcuffs?
I picked them.
Let's get out of here.
Come on!
Drop the gun!
Honey, next time, duck.
- Let's go. - I married Rambo.
What are they doing?
It is done.
In 90 minutes, a pillar of holy fire...
will light up the skies...
to show to the world...
that we speak the truth.
We are set on our course.
No force can stop us now.
We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah, blah.
If we're on an island, why are they using trucks?
We must be in the Florida Keys.
The overseas highway connects the islands to the mainland.
There's no borders, no customs.
They can go anywhere in the U.S. There's nothing to stop them.
Just us.
- Here, take this. - Oh, shit.